By this time tomorrow, I have to decide whether or not I’ll be spending my fall studying abroad in England.
On the surface, this sounds really exciting and awesome: living on my own in a foreign country, able to travel about Europe, people with British accents, tea and Shakespeare. I’d love the opportunity to figure out who I am and what I want. I think removing myself from all things familiar and everyone I know can help me there.
But at the same time, I wonder, do I really want to go to England, or am I just running away from the mind-numbing routine and paralyzing same-ness of my life? I think I’m just running away.
Over the past few months I had been pretty unhappy with my situation, but is that any reason to just say, ‘fuck it!’ and quit? No. A better person would face their challenges instead of just hiding from them.
Looking back at my decision, I think I made it for the wrong reasons—largely due to the bad place I was coming from. I remember telling my friend Liz that while I was gone I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone back in the states. I think I just wanted to avoid responsibility and everything that had caused the perfect storm of “life’s hard” I realized was right in front of me.
But now I feel better about my situation. I don’t think this fall will be as bad as the winter was. I think I should just man up and stay to face my challenges, I should be a better person instead of running scared.
So on that note, I’m staying here. And that’s that.